When I first met Ichiro-kun, I thought he was THEE "weirdest, most abnormally, unsually happy-smiling-faced" guy I had ever met int the world and in my life.

I didn't want to have anything, ANYTHING to do with Ichiro-kun and his world.

But little by little, as I got to know Ichiro-kun, I realized that maybe my habit of not being to trust people in fear of trickery, self-illusion--was all nonsense.  Most of it, anyway.  So, I reluctantly followed his lead, and along that New path, I was introduced to Sakana-san.  And Mizu-chan.  And Hikaru-san.  And Anemone.  Nina.  Everyone.

I had never been so happy, felt so warm, felt so much love and loyalty...that I nearly cried when people who I barely even knew were asking about my day, giving me Birthday gifts--Christmas--souvenirs, hugs, everything that I had always, always wanted in a FRIEND.  They loved and cared for me--unlike any other person, any other group of people I had met in my life.

They were the first to accept me for who I truly was.

And little by little, the more I got to know them--the more I loved the Fun Jam.  But at the same time, there was that FEAR in my heart...that if I got too close, it might all just be a dream.  I didn't want to wake up.  No, that was a horirble thing.  Somehow...I knew deep inside if I got too close to people, they'll hurt me in the end.  Something bad had always happened.  Nothing's ever perfect.  What goes up must come down.

So, I tried to treasure every moment with the Jammies.

Anemone left to teach overseas in Nihon.

The Twins got busy.

1 year later...

It wasn't even a year, perhaps in January--that when everything, everything that we all had built up as a group--went downhill.

I loved everyone.

But maybe...not everyone loved me back.

I gave up whatever I could to make everyone happy, trying to be always there for them.

But maybe...not every one of them had that same thought in mind.

I learned the hard way--that not every person in the world would think the same way as I would and that not everyone would want to walk down the same path I wanted to walk--right or wrong, nice or mean, loyalty or disloyalty, noble or not noble at all, etc.

I learned the hard way--and remembered--why I NEVER had a lot of female friends.  Huh... I thought that was only because I was a mere child then, but even now...I guess the entire world will always have people like that.

Sometimes, when I see old pictures of us, I wondered...and often second-guess myself about certain people--whether or not they WERE being "true" to us, to me.  Whether or not everything was real.  I sometimes think about everything we went through and how it's lead to all this.  A pitiful cliff.

The changes we all went through, individually.

For some, the BETTER.  For others, the WORST.

I mean, I learned my Friendship values as a person from "Pokemon."

I loved that show so much as a kid, because I learned so much from it.  I would cry at every movie that came out while growing up, laugh at Team Rocket for their silliness, keeping my eyes out for Pikachu and his adorable adventures, and smile when there's a happy ending and a lesson learned.

And now?

Today?

I guess everything was a dream, after all.  I have nothing much to believe in now.

What I want for Sakana-san is to learn how to be a better friend.  She promised so many times.  Those many times--she failed miserably, worsening at every hanging promise.  I want to her to look over the basic ethic rules: honesty, respect, kindness, modesty.  I also believe every GREAT cosplayer must respect other cosplayers--whether emotionally, through physical expressions (No glares, please), and such.  It doesn't matter how GREAT of a cosplayer you are, if you don't respect me--I don't give a two-shit about you because you're a jerk = JUST a jerk in a costume. Done. 

And really? I don't think we should even debate whether or not we should choose the camera over a friend. 

I love cosplaying (In fact, I need to finish that Magickarp costume), but I only love it because of my friends.  It IS nice to be in the "spotlight" once in a while or get recognized; however, it can be utterly annoying or stressful too.  Friends are more important.  Real friends actually care for you and look after your health, asking if you're alright or if any jerk touched you in any weird way--or if you get lost, they actually go back and look for you, saying, "How did you get lost? Where did you go? I called you but you didn't pick up! Is your phone on SILENT?!"

In addition, people don't appreciate it when you try to steal their cosplay/gift ideas.

*Sighs.*

It is like that time when my cousins told me that Santa doesn't exist.  Or worse, he's "dead."

Only worse.

I never had a friend like this one.

Because I always left at the First sign.


-Yoko