Ohayo, mina-san~

It's been a while, hasn't it? Winter Break ended right after the FUN JAM trip to Sacramento for the SacAnime Winter-con, and the first day of school started just yesterday.  So many new classes...so many old faces...and...so many new changes.  Overall, I'd have to admit that some of the con-goers at Sac were pretty rude and disrespectful, regarding personal privacy and space or common courtesy and gender-like mannerism and respect.  I had much to complain since my first con-debut was at Fanime--but since I've come to meet many new people there and even became friends with them--the Jammies and I decided that we'll be making our return for the early Fall, SacSummer con.

During vacation, I had to say that the group, the Jammies, learned a lot about each other and themselves.  We also have a new Jammie member, and although he's barely in high school, he's still as important as anyone would've been in our friends' circle.  His name is Daisuke*/ Dai.  He's my "Len" for Vocaloids~ :) Such a good kid... He followed me around throughout the con like a kawaii little puppy ;o; *pats him on the head* Same age as Misaki too (my younger sister)...

You know...next month will be the marking of the FUN JAM's 1st anniversary as a group.  Sakana-san and I have talked it over, and we're thinking of having a little "fancy", semi-formal dinner or something to celebrate that wonderful day.  So much has changed within under a year...and so much had happened within that same time period.  Are there any regrets? Is there anything we're grateful for? Had the bonds between all of us gotten stronger? Weaker? Have we "matured", grown up a bit?

There was a bit of drama that happened throughout Break.  Sometimes, friends can hurt each other indirectly, un-intentionally, accidentally...and well, sometimes, friends have their own "moments" of doubting Trust, Honesty, and Integrity or the "Noble" law of Friendship.  Usually, there is a "mis-communication" or communication block that prevents people from understanding one another.  There are times when friends can even make their own assumptions based on biased judgment or think they know "everything" when they know "nothing" at all.  It can take just simple talks or personal conversations, "heart-to-heart" talks to straighten everything out--the facts from opinions or opinions from facts.

And sometimes, maybe "heart-to-heart" talks can do "little" to fix problems, especially if they're going to be "long-term."  A person can't always scotch-tape everything.  Sugar-coat everything.  Not all wounds are simple scratches.  They can be fatal...or long-lasting scars.

I have to admit that I learned a lot about myself throughout Break, that my Naivety could be good...and bad. Everyone has at least one good point.  Use it too much, and that "one good point" can become a "bad point."  I learned to be more "selfish"...and maybe I guess, some of the Jammies learned that Yoko-chan has a bad "stubborn streak" that they just wish can go away at certain times.

Even though I am happy that everyone and I are still friends and that we're all together...I don't know...  I still feel like I'm floating in a huge empty space...  The kokoro still feels "empty"...  Nevertheless, I continue to live throughout each day, doing whatever I need or want to do and "derp" around with the Jammies every now and then.  I find it disturbing and quite bother-some when I try to look hard into this kokoro of mine, confused...and self-doubting of little matters.  It'll take time.  It'll take time, and well, I've been feeling rather well recently about everything.  Or maybe that's just because I refuse to take things in "negative" perspective, maybe I just want to be optimistic for the Hell of it--because there is no point in looking back and there's only more reasons for me to look forward and to keep walking forward--like a "Boss" (Lol~ I just had to throw that silly term in there!).

I still want Answers...  Answers to what? I don't know.  But I'm tired of asking Questions when all it does to me is ask more Questions and try to get more Answers--when there's nothing else to say anymore.

I know.  I am such a "busy-body", such a "nosy" person who cares too much about "solving problems", "cleaning up messes", and who has such a huge "stubborn" streak that some people want to erase.  But if I didn't have this "stubborn" streak, Yoko-chan wouldn't be here.  I know I'm such a "proud", "stubborn" person--such a "reckless-self-risking" girl--the kind of person who's always giving everyone a "heart attack" when she wanders off by herself--stalking "bad guys" to get some real Justice--refusing to follow the "buddy system" even when she knows she's not capable to defending herself as well as she wants to think she can--someone who can get easily confused and misunderstood--a person who over-thinks too much to the point where she can get a "stroke"--a girl who is always "stressing" out over the tiniest situations--------

I guess I can be really "difficult" to deal with.

But...not to be conceited...I'm not "difficult" to be loved, right?



<3 Love youuuuuu~

Yoko :)