Ohayo mina-san,

Yoko is just getting tired.

You see, I had a friend, who I could talk to when times are like this (well, then, again.... Times were never this bad, but you get my point) but she's not here anymore.  She must've known that someday, naiive and gullible Yoko might get really hurt by those around her.  She used to tell Yoko that there were just little personality qualities....that Yoko had to be careful of.  Yoko didn't listen to her, Yoko didn't believe her, and well...Yoko didn't want to hear it.  Look at me now.  I'm in the center of a lot of crap, I realized, over the past months or so.  Simply because Yoko didn't listen to her good friend, and now, looking back at it, Yoko never felt so stupid in her life.  She took that friendship for granted, and when they meet again, I can rest assure you that you have no idea how much she wants to bawl her eyes out for that friend.  Yoko didn't listen.  And it's only funny that the warning signs--which she paid no heed--came back like a total....yeah...and hurt her so much, that it's making her really angry at everything.

It's so tiring to be try to be "happy" sometimes, because when people don't want to listen to you, when people try to hurt you, when people hurt you over and over again--you get tired.  Real easily.  And honestly, I felt as though I was going to fall apart.  I tried to sew the pieces back again and again...  I know I'm stronger than this.  Maybe it's just a "phase" I'm going through =___= but if so, I need a long vacation.  I mean, geez, I'm dealing with crap that never stops crapping--and that just stinks! Like crap.

And my Starbucks White mocha even starts to taste cold and *drinks it all up*awful...

There's no one to blame for all the bitterness just flowing into Yoko's heart now, because maybe it was her fault--my fault--to begin with--if only she didn't have to trust people so much, if only she had listened to people, if only she wasn't so stupid to begin with.  But now, what she can do now is to suck it up, to stop being such a "baby", and drag herself up and stand up.  However, with a heart that's so "hollow" now, with little to think of and so much to say...I don't know what to do anymore.

Face your fears.

And so, what if I'm tired of "facing my fears"--facing what I'm seeing now, what I'm feeling now?

You know, people bringing me problems and causing trouble and trying to break me--they're not helping me feel any better than they think their life is crap when really, they have so much more than I don't have... =___= I mean, geez, look at it from this way: everything I do now seems "forced"--like I'm obligated to smile when I just want to go on a rampage or shoot the sun (You read me. I want to shoot the sun for not being bright and cute anymore because gloomy days are a big factor for my gloomy mood.  Thanks, sun *Rolls her eyes*).  I'm obligated to study when really, I just want to "dirp" around or work on cosplay like some other cosplayers.

But I'm a University student.  The reason why I get to cosplay or go on awesome trips is because I'm a University student.  I'm at a University because I want to get a career, something I want to do for the rest of my life.  I'm a Cosplayer also.  But, for many Cosplayers out there, I know that we're only "good cosplayers" when we're young.  It's not something you can do for the rest of your life.  And I hope that most of us know (for those of you who goes to a University or work)...the reason you get to cosplay or go on awesome trips and get to bond with your friends is because of your financial aid or work pay.  If you don't continue doing your part as a University student or worker, you probably can't go cosplay or go on those awesome trips anymore....right? I wish some people realize that.  

And sure, yes, I'm not hardcore serious about cosplaying because it's a hobby.  Not just a hobby, though.  An awesome hobby.  But also something I'd like to keep quiet about--around families--because well, they're no fun and boring =___=  and yeah.  And well, why am I not hardcore serious about it?  FIRST of all, I am the oldest child in my family.  I have a lot to housework and orders to rant on about, and I'm responsible if my "lazy" siblings aren't doing crap around the house.  I get blamed and BSed about a lot of junks throughout my nearly-2-decades of living...so, yeah =__= My family is so Asian, they don't like it if I happen to be "sewing" in my room like a scarred-for-life hermit or mental patient.  They'd rather have me barking out orders and cleaning and cleaning and studying and studying...etc =__= It's not fun, and I know it's a pain.  But the fam's here for me, so I should be there for them.  SECOND of all, I care a lot about school.  School comes first.  I remembered that as a kid, when I told my classmates that I wanted to go to "college", they thought I was....crazy and geeky.  It was my "life."  My dream.  I wanted to be different, and here I am.  I mean, com'on, you must've worked your butt from elementary throughout high school for this.  Otherwise, you wouldn't be here.  No one wants to fill out a college application or FAFSA.  But we all wanted to go to a University, so we did all that.  And ask yourself: WHY did you want to go to a University?  Many people tend to forget this, I guess, but...*shrugs*   THIRD of all, friends are more important than cosplaying.  I love to cosplay, but I do it for my friends and for myself.  It gives me a chance to bond with them, and I love my buddies too much to let cosplaying get in the way.  If a friend is down about something, don't work on your cosplay! >:( Go talk to them, listen to them, something! If someone wants to go do something crazy or fun, I don't want to tell them that I can't because I want to work on cosplay.  I don't want to miss out on a funeral or a friend's wedding or whatever because of cosplay.  Because one of the greatest reasons why I cosplayed in the first place...was because of my friends.  If they didn't encourage me to cosplay, if it weren't for them, I wouldnt' have gone and seen the "world" I have known now.  My life changed because of them and cosplay.  And so, of course, my friends will be more important than cosplay itself.

Enough being said, I hope you all try to understand what I'm saying.  Maybe a few of you disagree with my opinions, but hey, they're opinions.  I'm not saying that I'm "right" and you're "wrong."  You have an option on whether or not you should take those words.  In fact, you can forget them or not read the rest if you wanted to.  Everyone has a mind of their own and so, their own opinions vary.  I have my own obligations and duties just as you have obligations and duties, hobbies and values, and of course, opinions of both positivity and negativity.


-Yoko