Dear mina-san,

I hope you don't mind my sudden rantings on this topic, but I wonder...what's "real" and what's "not" anymore? Who are the people you can trust and those you cannot? What are "lies" and "truths"? What are "illusions" and "reality"? I sometimes forget, and I am grateful that a few of you Jammies out there...bothered to stay behind and pointed the way for me when I'd get lost. 

I...always thought there were such things as "con mode", because the people I've met in the Cosplay world, a place where being "different is the greatest gift of all"....use that term a lot, but I guess...I somehow lost "touch" with "Reality" when I got too sucked into that realm.  When talking to a friend last week, I told him that a few of my cosplay buddies are totally different when we go huge conventions, surrounded by strangers--admirers and photographers.  I was greatly concerned for our group...because there had been some tension and problems within this closely-knitted circle... What my friend said really did open my eyes, because he made me realize...that maybe...when a few of us, those few, are surrounded by strangers...that's a part of us. 

"Con mode.... That's total BS." He admitted. "I think the way cosplayers behave, whether as jerks or not, around strangers at a huge con--that's the REAL them there.  Yoko, you have to face it.  There is no con mode."

And yes, that was true.  I knew it was all to be true (but it's sort of fun, still using that term).

I hate "con mode."  "Con mode" hypes me up, and I don't know why, but I don't act any differently than I am in normal attires...  But I hate it when we go to cons...and people change before my eyes in an instant.  It wears me out, honestly...

And you know what?

I'm getting really tired.  So tired that I just want to run away or something from people I don't want to deal with, from those who makes me suffer, because it's completely suffocating to be around them.  I suffocate, because I am not allowed to say something I know needs to be said.  It eats me up inside, especially when I know there's something ugly out there that needs to be settled--or punched in the guts.

And you want to know what's really, really ugly?

When people thinks they have the same rights as a "God."

I absolutely detest those who thinks they can do whatever they want, say whatever they want just because they have a huge ego or problem that inflated their total self-esteem when--really--they're just as human as us.  They think they can take advantage of us, just because they think they're better or that they deserve it? Who gave you the right to treat us like servants, like props of a show? Allow me to kick you off stage then, your highness, because I don't like being pushed around, stepped all over, or being lied to in the face.  It's hurtful, and you know it.  It's not funny, it's not "cool", and it's not "okay"--for you but not to us. 

And I hate deceitful beings.

I really don't appreciate it when people thinks they can get away by tricking others into thinking they're "nice and cool to talk to"--but really, they're not.  At all.  They're mean...and I don't like it.

And? Don't blame people for your mistakes.

I absolutely cannot stand those who tries blaming people around them, loved ones even or friends, for their "recent behavior."  You have an OPTION in choosing how you should act or what you can do with overall Life.  You're only hurting those around you when you think it's right, that you think you have the "right" to point fingers and blame people for your mistakes.  Grow up.  Act your age.

*Huffs* Yoko doesn't like what she's been seeing or hearing.

Hear no evil, see no evil.

That is true.


-Yoko