These past couple days (or whatever, because I don't tend to keep track of time really anymore...) had been nothing but thinking and trying to get myself somewhere with people's situation.  I was feeling rather emotional about everything because I was in the "middle" of...well..everything, really.  When I tell people what other people are doing or how they act is bothering me--it gets to me really bad--that feeling of guilt and "weakness."  I don't like talking about these kinds of problems to people...usually...but sometimes, when you don't know what to do anymore--what else is better than to finally open up to some of the people you trust most.  Especially when it involves them?

So, I did just that.

There was still so much I wanted to say to those people after telling them how I feel and just...well...feeling so ashamed that I was "tattling."  But they weren't a bit fazed at all and opened their arms for me, saying, "It's okay, Yoko-chan... It's okay.  We're here for you."  I was so embarrassed and sad... Everything became still, because the World we all had been living...was no longer "real."  It has become "pretend" for everyone, indeed.

The Two Birds (Takeshi-san and Akito-san*) were really nice to me when I told almost everything...but when I was trying to tell Takeshi-san more...he stopped me and said, "No, don't tell me anymore than I need to know.  I'm sorry, but I feel like there are specific details I don't need to know yet."  I was a bit hurt when Takeshi-san said that, but I understood how the situation was just a bit "too much" for him to handle now.  I felt like I was revealing him how "unreal" our World is nowadays.  The Truth wasn't what he really wanted to hear at all. 

But sadly, Takeshi-san doesn't know the CORE truth of everything I was trying to tell him.

The truth, the saddest one of all, was that Akito-san understood almost everything that I was trying to spill out--better than Takeshi would ever know at all.  Alone.

Akito-san whispered to me when Takeshi-san left us two alone, "...There's more, isn't it? But Takeshi-san doesn't know, right? He doesn't see it...right?"

"...That's right." I said.


And did you know, readers?

I saw Haru-kun yesterday.

I'm still sad that after what we've all been through, it came down to this.  Him with Someone else.

But I'm growing stronger.

I'm still happy that I've met Him.


My kokoro is now empty now...  I'm happy that Haru-kun is happy, so happy that sometimes it hurts a little.  Mizu-chan and I talked, and it's true that I'm getting over what's happened between us two.  The time and distance and the fact that we don't see much of each other anymore is helping me slowly everyday.  Maybe I like Shayne a little bit but it's a dying feeling, you know?  It fades away so easily like a pencil mark by an eraser.  So, now, I'm just "sober" as ever.

You see, the Girls and I follow this love quote that I made up myself two years ago.  Our lives are all intertwined with this single quote.  It's an amazing quote, and it started like this: