It's around 12-ish AM here, but who cares~~ I have to vent out some things :/

To be honest, readers, I've...done some weird thinking.  Although I still like that Someone and get a bit sad about how he's not within my reach anymore, I seem to be getting stronger at every passing day away from Him.  In addition...I don't know why...but I've been thinking more often about Shayne-kun D: It's baddd...  It's weird, because I don't blush, have a "heart attack", get shy, or anything around him :/

So...what is this feeling called? *Yoko-chan goes to feel her heart again!!!*

Shayne-kun and I have been friends for a long time, about a year now.  He and I have known each other even before I met the Girls, the FUN JAM, and even before I met that Someone.  He's a really important person to me, mainly because I trust him more than most "usual friends."  Even though he's got his own flaws, Shayne-kun is a good person with a very kind heart.  He's an outgoing and understanding person, who doesn't care about what you eat, how you dress, or how smart/dumb you are.  Dude's probably some of the few guys out there, who can make me feel relaxed and just be "myself."  An honest guy...  In fact, I trust him enough to be alone with him.  He would never do anything bad to me :O

But...his flaws are what gets to me.  At most times, when Shayne-kun makes a promise, he almost always can't keep it.

He let me down so many times, to be honest, but because he's a good person--I trust him.

Doesn't necessarily mean I believe in him.

Two different things.

However, for each time, he let me down, the more hurt I suffered from it....

Because I hate "liars"...even those who can't keep their promises.

It's not that he "doesn't" keep them, it's that he "can't."  Things happen.

It was also his kindness that got to me; as sweet as Shayne-kun can be, he can just as cold and distanced as well... He can push you away at the most unexpected moments--and it just hurts.  Almost as though you were leaning on someone, and then, all of a sudden, they move.  And you fall. 

Without a warning.

In fact, he did that so many times last year, I decided I needed a "break" from him.  Soon afterwards, I met the JAMMIES and sort of "lost touch" with Shayne.  Then, after a while, during the late spring, I decided that it was time to keep tabs on the dude again.

One of the reasons why I needed a "break" from my own friend was the fact that RIGHT before my Winter final exams, the 1st day, it was revealed that he was in love with this jerk-girl.

It was pretty much of a harsh slap to the face--mine--because I was really hurt from all of his let-downs and distance.

What was harder...was not being able to TELL anyone at all...and trying not to cry, because of the pain from that new fact.

But...I did well on my Finals and got over everything the next day.

Being goofy, a-dork-able Yoko-chan.

When I got "back in touch" with Shayne-kun again in this past spring, I came to see that he was a "bit different" from the "last time" we've talked.  He was a bit reserved still...but he tried to be more opened toward me.  He tried...really hard to not push me away anymore and I guess...saw how he wasn't really keeping his promises.  The guy tried not to break them, and he was...being a bit more "careful" with me for some odd reason.  Shayne-kun was paying more attention to me, I knew that...but I never wanted to acknowledged it because I was too busy with the JAMMIES and thinking about that Someone.

I didn't want to acknowledge Shayne's attention, because it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. 

It was too late.

And with his flaws...even now...

I don't want to be let down again and again by the same person.

"I promise I won't mess up this time." he said.

I smiled. "Okay!" :D

But deep inside, I wasn't.  I was just waiting...to be let down again.  Felt a bit guilty about that...  However, why lie?

When you can just be honest about it.

I guess maybe the JAMMIES must've pondered about my relationship with Shayne-kun in one moment or another--or what was our history.

To me, it's a very complicated one.  Simple.  Harsh.  A handful.

So...do I "like Shayne-kun back"?

...Maybe.  Maybe not.

"Being fond" of him is more like it.

So...I don't know...anymore.

The kokoro's a magnet inside of me, that won't stop pulling towards either ends.

And just having these weird daydreams lately--isn't really helping me.

Okay, I'll spill it.

I like Shayne-kun.......a little bit.


Demo...but...readers, they're nothing.  If someone were to put these feelings right next to that Someone, it would be as though you're placing a pile of dry leaves next to a flower, a beautiful one.

Would we all get anywhere at all?

You tell me...


-your confused Yoko-chan